A Moment with Mom

Dear Syd,

One year ago today you posted your last Instagram picture ever. Never could we imagine that your last picture would be of clouds opening up to the heavens and how symbolic it became. It continues to amaze me how many people visit your cloud picture and post beautiful comments to you. Thank you all for putting some gladness in my heart (Psalm 4:7).

As I look back at my personal journal over the last year, the resounding messages I write to you are- I still can’t believe you’re gone, I miss you so much, I’m numb, I’m angry, I love you so much, why, why, why.

This last year I’ve been living the nightmare of Ground Hog Day over and over and over again. I wish we could go back to the day before your wisdom teeth surgery, June 8, 2015, and beg God to give us a do over. I would take June 8th over and over again. You were happy, carefree, loving life, healthy, excited for summer with your friends, anticipating college visits, and eager to begin your senior year of high school. I wish June 9, 2015 could disappear from the calendar. Unfortunately, that’s my Ground Hog Day, along with the next six days after that…the days I relive over and over again.

I can’t even begin to tell you the heartache we’ve suffered without you here Sydney…I’m sure you know because you watch over us everyday. This whole journey has been difficult, especially these last few months and June won’t be any easier. We went on a senior spring break trip with your friends and their families, we saw so many beautiful prom pictures, Mother’s Day, birthdays, we’ve watched others graduate and will soon watch your classmates graduate and then head off to college. The common theme that’s missing… is you. We have to hold on to all the memories of the past but the sad thing about a memory is, sometimes they start to fade. I can’t always remember the softness of your skin, the smell of your body or the laughter in your voice and that scares the hell out of me. I’m grateful for the pictures we have that remind me of how happy you were and your beautiful face and that huge infectious smile.

Despite our grief, we have continued to be blessed by so many. The love and support from our family, friends and community has been overwhelming. We have witnessed how God’s love exists in the midst of tragedy and how he hurts right along with us. The outpouring of generosity has been more than we could ever have imagined. One of our greatest gifts was being able to honor nine of your classmates with the Sydney M. Galleger Memorial Scholarships for their college expenses.

As I was driving today, the car in front of me had a license plate that read – “NVRGVUP” I believe in ‘God’incidences and that’s exactly the sign I was looking for. I’ll never stop loving you Syd. We are reminded in Isaiah 41:10:”Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” I can only say my strength comes from Him.

Love you forever Sydney Michele with only one “L”